I have been looking for a group to work with personal growth, and found none! Therefore I have made a forum here on kasperlife for finding self help groups! The idea is to post a thread with the name of the city or area you life in and then people from all over will be able to find self growht groups in that area!
The forum can be found here: Personal Growth Groups
CRISIS!!!! What can I do?
I have reached a bit of a crisis in my personal development journey. Yesterday I had a long talk with my wing man on this journey, and had the idea that I might be trying to reach too many goals at one time! Currently I have goals within Personal Finances, which are going ok, Social Dynamics, which are kind of stagnated, Time Management which I am not really following up on 100%, sports, which is going really well (I was awarded “best on ground” at my first Aussie rules football match this year, last saturday) and on top of that I am constantly finding other areas that I would like to improve on! I know from earlier that it is an issue that I am not focused on a few things at the time! It really gives me a head ache thinking about these things all the time, and I think I need to rethink the whole thing… take a break, and defragment my mind a little. My motivation has suddently plummeted. And this is the wrong time of year for this…. summer is comming, I should be totally motivated and focused.
One of the biggest issues is actually TIME… I dont feel that i have time for my friends at the moment! I train boxing monday, wednesday and friday, football tuesday and thursday, match saturday, social experiments/ dynamics wednesday and friday, I need to see my family more often, hang out with my friends, go to work, work on facebookdater and rankajob (my two new private projects) and…. STOP!!!
I dont have a clue what to do other than sit down and REALLY go through my goals! So, Iam going to go to Stockholm for the weekend and relax a bit… do nothing, eat out, sleep in and so on for three days. Then I want to find just a few goals that I want to follow up on and stay focused on those, till I reached my goals.
Yesterday I went to the Depak Chopra speech in Copenhagen! I never heard about him before, I must admit! But my friend Thomas was inviting, so I had to go…. And it blew my mind! Even though this stuff might be a bit technical. Especially when he started explaining that we are the universe and the universe is in us… I was already getting in my defence state! Crossed arms, and mimicking a 5 year old! 
But then something caught my attention…. This guy could actually explain those things, and not only explain it, he almost managed to keep me awake for 3 hours… but that is another thing… it actually surprised me that he was not just any “new” Motivational Guru, with an “emperors new clothes” theory. He took some of the theories from his buddhist background and matched them up with western civilizations/ christianity’s morales. Further to that when we really got into things (of course some of it got too “hippieyaya”!) he took some buddhist sayings and compared them to sayings of Jesus! (I am an atheist, but always found religion interesting).
But that was not my HUGE EYEOPENER! That was actually in the end of his speech, when he was talking about 15 values, a person should or could have (sorry, Im not sure what he actually said here, but he probably did not say that we should have those ;)!) I heard versions of that before somewhere! But where? Then it struck me… It is ancient coaching/nlp/motivational stuff…. WOW… I loved it… got out my notebook, and got to write down a few of them.. hopefully we can have a fruitful discussion of those. Here they are (the ones i got!):
You and I evoke the Universe by looking at it!
Conciousness is found in the space between thoughts (I made that one up… think it is catchy… I might try and sell it to Eckhart Tolle ;))
“Socially Programmed hallucinations”
That person or thing is in me as I am in it!
Yoga (Yoke) means connecting to the source (did not know that there was a word “yoke” for that same thing in english!)
All fulfillment comes from within - Ask and you shall find (Jesus) which is connected to modern coaching where you “ask the right questions (in the positive) and you will get the right (positive) answers! - Fundamental questions gives fundamental answers!
Seperate self
“To get rid of the ego is the ultimate melodrama of the ego” I love this one… had the discussion last saturday when I was at the goal setting and managing course! Some girls were discussing this, and I thought it was bullsh*t! You cannot give up your ego, 100%!
What you can do in relation to your ego is the following: Just watch what is happening an then watch the observer’s reaction…. and dont judge!
highest level of intelligence is observing your self with our judging!
The world is a mirror of the self (smile to the world and the world smiles back) We do not like people with traits that we deny our selves!
try as a test to identify traits of people you do not like and see if you can recognise them in your self… maybe ask some people that are close to you! Then if they are in you, try to accept those traits!
Resist no Evil - We heard that one before, but in buddhism there is no good, without evil… everybody has a shadow, unless they are standing in the dark! Yin Yang… Evil is not Evil!
Death makes life possible! - Every day you die…. and comes back in a different and better version! Your skin regenerates every month! A cancercell is a healthy cell that forgot how to die! So, Let the past die! Find out what you need to let die in you, to come back in a better version! Death is a creative process!
We are the universe - the light from the universe shines on a plant which transforms the energy into leaves which we eat, which makes us grow… thereby we are the universe and the univers is in us! We are a tree, without us the tree would not breathe (carbondioxide) and we would not breathe without the tree (Oxygen).
the only time is NOW!
the above is only my keywords from the Depak Chopra speech.. I will have them as discussions in future posts, where I hope to get in depth with those!
Namaste
Kasper
Hi everybody, sorry it has been a while, I have been flat out busy!
Saturday I went to a really interesting workshop lead by the just 21 year old Marlene Hörfarter. She is incredible… very inspiring for that young a girl!
The workshop was named something like “Take Life Into Your Own Hands!”, and gave me a really good point towards my personal change journey. The very fundamentals of such change is working on your goals. I say “working on” because you need to really define your goals. I have been a bit naive towards this the whole time. I have had hundreds of not very defined goals, one day working towards one, the other day working towards another. I have totally changed my head around these things. From now on I will work on ONE goal at the time, when I cannot work towards that goal anymore, I will start on the other. I have been thinking a bit about my goal of getting out of debt. This is a goal, that Iam working on, but I cannot do much more than I do now (well I could, but i have prioritized other things) So, I take out an amount of cash every sunday. This is all the money I spend one week at the time. My point is that this goal, I will be working on for a while, but I can work on other things meanwhile. I guess you could say that Iam latently working on this goal, which makes room for other goals, to be worked on!
So, the very first thing to do, is write down your goals… all of them… spend a couple of hours, writing down your goals, dont be too specific, just write it down, and throw out the ones you find irrelevant in the process. After a couple of hours, you have your goals, and you are ready to start working on those. the next thing we did, was working on our values. What are your values in life?
Make a list of 10 values… spend some time creating those! after doing this, you sort out 3 of the less important ones, then another 2 and another 2. You are now down to 3 values, that should define you the most. The real question here is this: “Do your values correspond with your goals?” think about it for a minute… In coaching often we are talking about goals, as ”end-goals” and ”means-to-an-end-goals”. End goals often correspond to your values, while means-to-an-end-goals are often goals, that actually hides another goal! Ill give you an example: Us guys are often talking about wanting a new cool car. This is almost never an “end-goal” but a means to an end. Because when we want this cool new car, we want that because of what it can give us; respect, status, chicks…. so… what we REALLY want is respect, status and chicks… often those are also means to an end goals, so you could ask the question; why do you want respect, status, and chicks…. It could be that you are depending on external sources of acceptance, and a REAL “End-Goal” could be that you want to be able to rely on your self for a feeling of acceptance. So, if your real goal is “An Internal Source of Acceptance”, how do you work towards this?
To be continued…
Imagine a scenario, where you achieve ALL your dreams… then imagine another scenario where you achieve, say, a great part of your dreams… I have had a problem, always chasing a dream, then halfway there, I see another thing I would like to achieve, and then I start chasing that dream, or thing in my life. So, it is obvious that I need some structure on my dream chasing! As Kung Futze said:”A man chasing two rabbits, catches none!”. So, as I have felt that exact saying on myself quite a bit lately, I have decided to find a solution. Finding out what dreams I want to chase right now, which ones should be put off till later, and which ones to focus on right now!
So, I am going to make a list of Goals, I NEED to achieve in my life. Just jot up anything that comes to mind, I am not going to do that here, but will wait till I get home, and can sit quietly and do it. I have some of those dreams jotted down in my moleskin already. But how do I find out which dreams are more important than others, and how can I arrange those in groups?
When prioritizing my goals, I will put them into categories, after priority, hereby identifying which ones are more important and which ones to get started on first. The most important Goals/ Actions in my life i am going to name “BIG ROCKS”, those are the ones that are REALLY meaningful (to me). Then the lower priorities are going to be named SMALL ROCKS, SAND and (maybe WATER). The reason for those metaphors are the story about the old man and the big rocks…(I am going to replicate this as good as I can… (This story may vary, but you probably heard it quite a few times, if you have been going to a lot of weddings ;))
”
A wise old man once wanted to teach his disciples an important learning. He emptied a bag full of rocks onto the ground in front of him. He then took all those rocks and put them into a container placed in front of him. The container was filled to the edge with the rocks, and the wise man asked his disciples:” Is this container full now?”
All the disciples nodded their heads eagerly, excited about what the old man’s point might be. But then the wise man took another bag, and emptied the content of smaller rocks, into the container. The small rocks fell in between all the larger rocks. He let the small rocks settle and looked at his disciples with a smile on his lip. Then he asked:” Is the container full NOW?”
All the disciples laughed and nodded their heads, “Yes NOW the container was full!” But then the wise man took another bag, and poured sand in between the large and smaller rocks. Then, after all the sand had settled between the rocks and stones, he asked again:”is the container filled now?”
His disciples was laughing out loud, and yelled;” Yes, the container IS filled now, and we DID get the point!”. Oh, did you?” the wise man said, as he poured water into the container…
”
This story is about many things, but the most important to me is the symbolism of big rocks, stones, sand and water.
The big rocks are the large important things in life, the stones are smaller but still important things. the sand is smaller issues in life, but also an important stabilizer for the rocks and stones. In the end the water is further assisting the sand to settle, and is therefore important to sand, stones and rocks.
If you want to see my Goals, Objectives and Procedures CLICK HERE!
By identifying the BIG and often Dificult actions I have to get done, to reach my full potential in life, I have sorted those, and made a very simple version of Steven WORKSHEET from “7 habits of the highly effective people” and made an overview on what goals to work with every day and week. with a very clear vision on what goals, and how to get there, I believe I will be able to reach my Goals faster!
See my WORKSHEETS CLICK HERE!
A few weeks ago, I had a terrible chest pain, I tried to get over it my self, but it didnt help. It ended up with me going to the hospital, and they actually admitted me to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. I was pretty sure that nothing was wrong with my heart, and that it had to be a mistake. But what I noticed as I was in the hospital for a few days was that the people in here where very motivated to change their lifestyle. "Of course!" you might say, but this is actually VERY related to the whole Anthonny Robbins "Decision Making”. The most important thing in Personal development has nothing to do with wishing to change your life, or reading a bunch of material by the great personal growth gurus…. It has to do with your MOTIVATION!
Many times when I was new in this, I did read all the books I could come across on NLP, Personal Growth, How to get rich in 5 days and How to get your dream girl. That is all theory… If you read a book on skiing, will you know how to ski? One thing is theory and another thing is Practical application. But if you are not MOTIVATED how will you get to apply the theory on your self? It has to do with your MOTIVATION!
Back to the hospital… Imagine being hospitalized with a heart decease! Often those are closely related to a fat diet, low physical activity, smoking and maybe a lot of other things. What I noticed in the hospital was that all these obese people, where standing in line to the fruit basket. Some of these people had never before eaten a piece of fruit (really… never!!!). So, my dear reader, can you tell me what the reason for this sudden personal change is? Yes, you are absolutely right my friend… IT has to do with their MOTIVATION! These people are ofcourse very motivated to change their lives. They KNOW for sure, that if they don’t, they will (if lucky) be hospitalized in a short while again. If not hospitalized, they will be in the cemetery! ISNT THAT MOTIVATION?
If you are not going to the hospital, or have another direct MOTIVATION impact, you can look into NLP. For motivating people NLP is a great tool. Actually, in NLP there is something called a NLP LIFELINE. This lifeline first takes you through your future life if you DO NOT change… in ½ a year, 1 year 2 years and so on. This will give you a feeling of urgency to change… or “MOTIVATION” to change. Then we do the same, but this time you imagine your life if you do change! This might or might not motivate you to change, but no matter what I believe that you will feel a little more motivated after such a session. After that you will come to see that to change your life in a more positive way, it all has to do with your MOTIVATION!
I have made a NLP LIFELINE walk through HERE!
KasperLife is a self help or self improvement blog
There are two parts of KasperLife. One is the Diary, where I will try and tell you a little bit about my daily life, and how I am going on my personal development objectives. Then there is the other part. This part is more about general discussions on Personal Development theory. As there are a ton of motivational speakers outthere, who all have their theory on how to develop your personality, I would like to apply the theory on my person.
I have been studying personal growth for a years time now, and I noticed that there are quite a bit of commonalities between "The Secret", Anthonny Robbins, Brian Tracy, David DeAngelo, and many many others. So, first of all I want to identify the commonalities between those theories, through discussions on this blog. Along the way I am also applying the theory, on my own "body".
So, I have certain goals in life, which I have divided into interior and exterior goals. I will setup a Personal development Plan or Personal Growth Plan, which will identify goals, categorise them, identify which actions are needed to get there and of course setup deadlines for the part goals to be achieved.
So, what do I mean about Self Help or Self Improvement?
Well, Wikipedia states that Self Help or Self Improvement is a name for self guided improvement. this counts for several parts of your life such as economical self help, intellectual self improvement, or even emotional personal growth. Most of this is often based on a substantial psychological or spiritual basis.
To be able to call it "Self Help" we have to base it on our personal available resources such as public available information, self reliance and support groups or comunities. In those communities you can hook up with people with the same type of problems. There are a range of online communities as well as off line. I am going to make a forum, where you will be able to put out questions for others to answer, and come up with suggestions, and much more. One of the best ways of learning new theory is to teach others. So with that in mind you can use the forum for that, aswell. So, my self development forum is a place where people with similar problems can join together.
The huge variety of self help books and self help personal development movements are extremely popular these years, (and have been since the 70ies). Personally I believe that todays enormous interest can be linked to the Maslow hieracal Pyramid of Needs. In the western world we have our houses, cars, and a bunch of status symbols. Now we are urging for the next step - personal development which is under the last step - Self Actualisation. (the picture is from learnmanagement2.com).
It all started with pocket psychology and early entrepreneurical start up forums, most of it being home spun advice. But Richard Bandler and John Grinder formed a whole new way of motivating, removing limiting beliefs, and finding personal power. They where the founders of NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming. Today this is a great part of motivational speakers, coaches and even self help improvement theory and books. basically all the selfhelp improvement theory that is the basis for motivational speakers, has spread into the areas of businesses, psychology, psychotherapy, other types of therapy and education.
I have a self help group that i often go to. Self help group might sound a bit extreme, but for me it is actually more of a discussion group, and further to that, this is very important for motivation. This is what we call "signing contracts" in the self help world. I am also signing a contract with you guys, by writing my goals and objectives in this blog. further to that self help groups include friendships, emotional support, practical and experimental knowledge, identity, meaningful roles and a sense of belonging to a group. I do not consider myself metally ill, or depressed or unhappy for that matter, but I get great pleasure, and support from using my development group. These are a bunch of guys who like me, have a great interest in social dynamics and self development. We have all read a bunch of theory, and tried even more stuff out, so combined we have an enormous practical and theoretical knowledge. This is the self help area I am writing about in my blog. There are other uses of this term, but for me in this context;"Self help is often really peer-to-peer support.!"
Marketdata estimated the "self-improvement" market to be worth $8.5 billion in 2003 — including infomercials, mail-order catalogs, holistic institutes, books, audio cassettes, motivational speaker seminars, the personal coaching market, weight-loss and stress-management programs. Marketdata projected that the total market size would grow to over $11 billion by 2008.
Around the world anti selfhelpers suggests that self-help books and programs offer "easy answers" to difficult personal problems. I agree to a certain aspect of this.. If you are mentally ill, or psychologically in a bad way, self help books, and coaching is not the way out. Most coaches I know, always state that they only help healthy and happy people. If you have psychological problems I strongly suggest talking to a psychiatrist or seek professional help on a totally other level. Negative comments have been made on self-help books for containing pseudo-scientific assertions that will to mislead the readers, and a variety of authors have stated their negativity towards self-help authors and claims. A famous one is the Christopher Buckley’s "God is My Broker" (1998) in which he says: "The only way to get rich from a self-help book is to write one!".
Those are statements in which I do agree. Of course there are many books out there, and the writers do get rich. This though is only because most of the readers buy a little dream, instead of trying to change their life. Back to the motivation issue from above… The most important part of changing your lifestyle is to be motivated towards it. By motivated I dont mean like "I would like to change, make more money, stop smoking, get in better physical condition…!" No people need to really change and be aware that if they dont, they are going to hurt them selves. "Make that decision now!" as Anthonny Robbins states it. I actually stopped smoking by making a decission, not to make a wish.
Dear Readers of KasperLife,
Thank you so much for your appreciated time on this blog, which is all about sharing and giving motivation for personal change in your life.
I have been spending some time trying to define how I want to use this blog for my optimal personal use… The thing is that it is a combination of a lifestyle blog, and a
personal development tool/ blog! So… there will be a LifeStyle part and a part about my personal development. In other words… the personal development part should also lead
to my wished for life style! So… this part is a bit of thoughts about what shall go into this blog!
The LIFESTYLE part:
When creating this blog, I did it mainly to define the lifestyle that I would like to acchieve, therefore I am writing alot about my lifestyle, and maybe a great part about the
lifestyle that I would want.
The PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT part:
First of all I am not sure that Personal Development is the right word for the process, because it is devolopment in all areas in my life! I created a program for this that I am
calling “Kasper Life” which I will get into under my pages!
I will be using all the theories of Motivatinal speakers to acchieve my dreamlife: Kasper Life! I will try not to be discriminating of the theories even though some of the
theories I have knowledge to are a bit over the top. It is also important for the readers to know that I am no expert to this, but I am a normal person applying those to myself.
I hope that the results I get out of this, is the jury of how well they work. Sometimes I might forget to quote a writer, motivational speaker or coach, or I might come up with
conclusions that others might have come to before me…. That is just a part of this Blog! I sincerely hope that you will appriciate my blog!